The Male Species…

Now, I know I’ll never understand males and a lot of us won’t.
However there is one in particular I wish I could.

Last year I started to develop feelings for someone, for the sake of this post we’ll call him Charles, so as stated in pervious posts (i’ve not posted for a while) me and Charles went out for a few drinks, unbeknown to me (until the other day) that this was in fact a ‘date’, we chatted for a while and then one day I went round to his lovely house to hang out and the inevitable happened. We spoke for a few weeks after and then it kind of fizzled out, only little random chats and flirting every now and then, until the other night when we seen each other again after so long, we drank, hung out with friends, listened to some amazing live bands and just generally had a lovely night.

After many, many drinks, I was the most drunk I’ve ever been and so was Charles (I blame copious amounts of Samba) Charles decided it was time to call it a night and go home, We decided the easiest option would be to go back to his house, so we did.
We chatted and cuddled and again the inevitable happened. To cut long story short, we slept, woke up, cuddled, chatted, laughed and did the inevitable.. again.

 

I’m now stuck in this mass about of confusion and feelings again and don’t know what to do about them. If I brought it all up to Charles I know it wouldn’t be reciprocated how I want it to be (I know he likes me but my feelings are stronger) and he doesn’t have the most normal of careers which I think would be hard for a relationship.

I would literally be anything and everything he wanted me to be.

I don’t know what to do! Ugh!

 

– Je aurai toujours Paris. xoxo.

The path.

So, I’ve not blogged for a while, I put my entire life on hold for one person.
I cut all contacts with everyone; my friends, my family and my agent. Which all in all, I royally screwed myself over.
I lost everything, the trust of my friends, my family relationships, my dreams and my future of acting.

I got completely and madly in love and I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with this one person who meant the world to me and more.
We moved into a gorgeous apartment together and everything was ‘perfect’. I thought I had everything i’d ever wanted. I didn’t.
I wanted all of that and everything I gave up.

After time, as expected, everything went south.
We argued all the time and to the point it wasn’t healthy for the relationship, it was also effecting my mental health, as after that whole situation, I was diagnosed with bipolar. Of course I’m not blaming the relationship for my mental health issues, I had previous issues but not as awful as this.

 

 

I found that writing everything down helps clear my head, which is why I’ve began to blog again. It’s very personal and I’ve always enjoyed blogging about personal experiences, if not for myself then maybe to help others in a similar situation.

– Je aurai toujours Paris. xoxo.

‘Friends’

So lately I have discovered that a group of friends I had and thought I STILL had, in fact aren’t my friends any more. Unbeknown to me the exact reason why.

I THINK it may have something to do with the problem on my last post.
I have done absolutely nothing wrong, at all. All I did was go for A drink with one of my male friends who just happens/happened to be interested in me, It wasn’t a date, it was a friendly drink.
Just because someone in that ‘friend’ group is interested in him and now they’ve spat their dummy out and are having a bitch fit. That’s not my fault, right?!

What do I do?
Do I be an adult and confront said person/group or just ignore it?!

I’m done with this petty city, petty girls and these ridiculous situations.

– Je aurai toujours Paris. xoxo.

The confusion is real. 

I don’t know if anyone has noticed at all but, I’ve not blogged for a while. 

Last time I did, I reached the realisation that I was happy being single. I’m still happy being single but feel like it’d be nice to have someone there. 

However, in this stupid city and with the people I know, nothing is sacred. Nothing. You can’t be interested in someone without someone having an issue about it or having a bitch fit because ‘they saw them first’, despite that person also being interested in you too. Then the childish, pathetic games start, the good old social media shouts. Tweets and status’. It’s all so exhausting, not to mention confusing and let’s be honest, not worth it all in the slightest. 

I just have no idea what to, at all. Ugh. 

– Je aurai toujours Paris. xoxo.

New start, New blog.

Okay so, we all know I started this blog last year, after a while I started posting really personal stuff about the breaking of a relationship and the breaking of well, myself.
That wasn’t why I started my blog, I began to lose myself.
The end of October to the beginning of 2015 was the worst time of my life, a lot happened, a lot broke me and being honest was nearly the death of me.
My world was falling hard and fast around me.

BUT

I’m FINALLY in a place in my life where I’m feeling okay again, I’m happy being single and on my own, I’m surrounding myself with good people, I’m working 2 jobs I absolutely adore and my illnesses are being dealt with, slowly but surely.
The previous posts on my blog have been deleted, so, this is the start of a new one.

Thank-you for the kind words a lot of you gave me over the rough times I was having, it means more to me than you can ever imagine.

– Je aurai toujours Paris. xoxo.